Juicero is still the greatest example of Silicon Valley stupidity

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And where does this all end? What household mainstay is going to get a connected makeover next? What will happen if I don’t agree to the privacy policy on my fridge? Is my toaster going to stop working because there’s been a global pumpernickel recall? Is some hacker going to create a botnet out of internet-connected coffee tables?

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Juicero was classic Internet of Shit (yes, that Twitter account will change your world). It took a traditional product and added so many bells and navigator deck shoes riviera deck shoes helmsman deck shoes whistles it became an unrecognisable Homer car of unnecessary complications.

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“Pressed by us.” If the machine was the giant juice-squeezing iPod, the Produce Packs were the 99-cent tracks you digested every morning. The company’s whole aesthetic — from its machines, to its website to its advertising —  took a leaf out of Jony Ive’s Apple design book, tan deck shoes with sleek lines, poppy colours and a lot of white. “Perfected by Earth,” the Juicero billboards read.

The first tribute has already arrived: An at-home cold-press juicer out of China called the Julavie, which launched in 2017 and kicked off a crowdfunding campaign last month. But while Juicero is gone, I’m still waiting for another two identical companies to spring up in its place.

The investors were on board — Juicero secured $70 million in Series B funding and maderia deck shoes looked set to succeed. The sleek machine, the connected app, the five flavours (and ladies deck shoes their corresponding chakras/packet colours) were all targeted at cashed-up Californians who wanted to actuate the gastro-intestinal wellness mood board they’d created at last year’s Cupertino Ayurvedic Cleansing Retreat.

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Feather, the service that lets you “subscribe to your furniture”. Subscription protein powder. Washboard, the company that charged $27 to send you $20 of laundry quarters every month. Subscription underwear.

We’re constantly told by startups and disruptors that legacy industries need to be shaken up. That the tech world needs to “move fast and break things”. Do we really need to reinvent the stuff that was actually pretty alright in the first place? Do I need to appify my apples? But is the tech world really making life better?

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